frustration to the highest level

I am totally on the verge of being out of my wits.. this is becoming so frustrating..

And he's NOT helping at all!!

I finally fished a potential job which i think i'd enjoy working with and who'd like to hire me, but it all went poof when i told the person im with about it.. He goes, you can go on your own if you work there/if you take that job.. talk about being supportive!

I've always believed that couples should be an inspiration to each other and therefore contribute to each individuals growth, as a person and in their career.. and from what i see he's the other way around..

Everytime he comes home, i'd have mixed emotions.. Im happy he learned something new, that he's improving and all that but at the same time i feel bad about my self.. terribly bad to be exact because i haven't had any chance to learn anything.. im not productive.. im not growing..

I feel so bad right now because i've never in my whole life, felt so uninterested to the coming days.. ive never said (with a deep sigh) "its another day".. and face the day just to wait for it to end..

Ive always loved what life throws at me.. but now... i dont know.. its been hell..

I know God's there... i know my wait will be over someday and better things would come... but i hope it comes SOON... because this is totally bringing me down and eating the "happy-me" alive

please God i need you, keep my faith strong and give me joy..

:(