hmmm...

.. was just talking to a friend of mine who arranged the last get together dinner with my best guy friend. According to her there were only five of them who came.. patty (the "her"), gia, hannah, josh (the guy best friend) and his girl..

HIS GIRL??! (muse niya daw)

Am i supposed to get jealous or hurt?? i really don't know, really..

but yah know, she just said he kept on looking for me and couldn't believe we werent able to see each other... (awww that's just sweet).. he sent me a message though..

i miss him.. really, really.. :)

*c'mon now, he's your best friend right, you should be happy he's got a gal... (speaking to self)

sometimes some things aren't meant to happen

Just when i thought everything could possibly work out.. things happen...

Well my guy best friend is here in manila and as much as i want to go out with him, i can't for obvious reasons... but you know, im willing to take a risk just to see him again..

Soo... going out with him on his first week didn't work out..

• I wasn't able to go out with my other batchmates when he asked for a get-together reunion (which i usually attend to)
• Our lunch together didn't push through because he had other places to go to
• He made plans to go the week after that but unfortunately, i was about to start working already..
  

In short, i was totally bummed about it and just told him that we would probably see each other when he comes back for school (and that's if he'd still push through with his plans of studying here and all that.)

Then.. i changed my mind about working and turned the company down so i was free once again.. and just when i thought we'd have a chance to see each other..

• He get's stuck in Bora (because of the plane crash and therefore gets an extended beach trip)

He asks for another batch dinner (tomorrow).. and..

• My uncle died last night (because of cancer) therefore i can't go now, and tomorrow because i have to go to his wake.

** tsk tsk, so strange, but i guess things aren't going for us this year.. but you know everything happens for a reason, so i guess ill just go with the flow..

Sometimes things aren't meant to happen.. and you just have to keep waiting for the perfect timing.. ain't that sweet..

:)

home sweet home

hmmm... its so nice to be home again.. its just too bad its too short.. five hours from now i'd be going back to my "almost" married life again.. so sad..

* can't wait to get a new job.. fingers crossed..

:)

Am i wrong to be feeling this way?

Its just a conversation we had over text messages since i can't say it straight out on his face..

Yesterday, i discovered that he still receives pictures from his ex girlfriend.. what made me feel really bad is seeing how he exerted an effort trying to put their pictures together (like they're together in the photo or something).. and the excuse i got is "I'm just practicing my photoshop skills"..

The day before that, i discovered that he still (STILL!! inspite of everything!) takes her calls, and he even called his two other exes..

Who in their right mind would take a reason as lame as that.. he told me to delete anything i want because it means nothing to him.. but i didn't..

At the end of the day, i tried my hardest to hide the way i feel and still carried on being my normal self, just to see what he'd do.. and of course he didn't say anything about it, like nothing ever happened..

So today while he's at work i sent him a message:

"About yesterday, I just couldn't understand why, inspite of my telling you alot of times to stop communicating with her, you still do. I can understand that she's the one calling you first but if you don't really want anything to do with her anymore (just like what you said) you'd tell her to stop calling and sending you pictures and you'd also stop practicing you photoshop skills on both of your pictures. Remember when you told me to stop communicating with my bestfriend? I stopped ASAP as in zero communication with him at all, and i didn't regret doing that because i really love you. WHy can't you do the same thing for me? I don't think its too much to ask. My trust in you is still 100% and i still love you."

To which he replied:

"ok. that will never happen again"

I said:

"You'd seriously do that? or are you just saying that?"

He said:

"Im serious and i promise you that, not just her but the others too"

I said:

"thank you. ill take your word for it"

He said:

"Don't worry, that's for sure because i love you"

I said:

"ok"

**correct me if im wrong, but if he really loves me then why does it have to take him a long time to realize that he needs to stop doing that, that he's NOT supposed to do that! why does he have to wait to hear something like that from me..

Don't get me wrong or something but i don't trust him anymore, and as hard as it is for me to admit, i think my love and my trust in him is starting to fade...

The odd thing about it is that if you do something like that to him he'd totally get angry.. and he'd create fights accusing me of doing such things when in fact its him who's doing it..

Im risking alot for this to work and yet i get this?? i think its so unfair...

What an awful way to end the year

I guess its now safe to say that my 2008 really challenged me emotionally -- because it ended that wayas well.

It wasn't exactly how i pictured ending my year and celebrating the dawn of a brand new year. In fact, it was far from it.

During that last week, ive been thinking so hard about spending my New Year's eve with that special person.. It was such a hard decision for me because ive always celebrated it with my family, but i decided to spend it with him.. The process of getting permission from my dad and my sister was extremely hard for me because i had to make something up..

Eventually it worked out.. i was excited because it was my first time, its something new, and of course id be spending it with someone special to me..

The day of the 31st came and much to my dismay, it was the worst New year's eve ive ever had (and im not going to take that back, i really mean that -- it was the WORST).

Day before that, i discovered that my special someone still communicates with his evil ex which he promised not to talk to ever.. so when the day of the 31st came i wasn't too keen to spend it with him anymore.. But i still did, just to call it quits. I came to his mom's house, it was fun.. but that same afternoon around 6pm his brother's wife called to invite them to have dinner (of course i can't come because we're trying to be discreet -- and even if he wanted me to go, i never would have gone).. He went, leaving me all alone in his place.. inspite of assuring me days before that he won't leave me and go somewhere else.

Just to make time fly, i scrubbed the floor and cleaned the bathroom. Its true that when youre waiting for something time slows down and you literally feel the minutes pass by slowly. I felt so bad that while i was scrubbing the floor i'd cry and wished that i shouldn't have decided to spend it with him at all.. He came back around 10:30..

After sometime, a friend of mine called (the only wonderful thing that ever happened that day) to greet me and to let me know that he's already here in the philippines and to remind me to meet up with him sometime. For some reason, mr. special someone snapped, he got jealous..

Talk about not minding me and making me cry til the clock stuck 12mn.. I welcomed 2009 with tears flowing down my cheeks.. Beggging mr. special someone to talk to me and not get angry.. But of course i failed. I cried til 2, that's just when he started to talk to me again and believed that the phone call was really nothing to get jealous of.

I hated myself for deciding to spend it with him. it was awful.. it was just awful.

Its not something i'd want to look back to.. Its just the worst way of ending a year..

SO Now im wishing and praying for brighter days this 2009.. I know that God will make things fall into place.. i know He will make things happen...