!@%#$%!

How dare you speak about having kids with me and marrying me when you still flirt with other girls!!

You tell me you love me and you keep promising me you won't ruin my trust on you but you're fucking flirting with someone else... you really think i don't know that!

How could you lie and look at me in the eye!!

How selfish can you get.. can't you fucking see the risks im taking for our relationship to work!?

And how dare you get mad at me and accuse me of doing "something" when all this time its you who's doing it!! FUCK YOU!!!

*ang tigas din ng muka mo noh!

DAMN YOU, YOURE JUST ONE LYING BASTARD!!

boxed

I've always wanted to live alone -- to live independently.. As a matter of fact, it is one of my dreams. But i guess its a dream that ended up in the wrong way..

It's true -- "be careful for what you wish for" because you just might get it all and then some you don't want..

I don't exactly live "alone" (because i live with someone) but i live pretty much independently from the comforts of my real home and away from my dad's protection. Don't get me wrong, its not that im not well taken cared off, because i am and im very grateful for that, but i do get lonely.

I think it's too early for me to live this way. You see, my dream is to live alone (like study in another country, to eventually work there, have a place of my own and try new things all by myself) not this way.. I'm like married already!

It is fun to have him around, it's always filled with happy experiences and love but it also makes me feel like im in a box. Things in my life have changed in heaps and i feel like i dont have much choice anymore.

What makes things worse for me is that the whole situation is kept secret. Nobody in my family knows about it, not even my closest friends. It's harder not being able to share it with people who really mean alot to me.

Sometimes when im alone at night, my tear just falls down my cheeks. I couldn't even say anything, i just cry and talk to God. Thinking about it right now, i think, it's the result of all my suppressed feelings. Months worth of fear, worries, guilt -- what have yous..

I can honestly say that im not totally sad. As a matter of fact, im happy with him. I don't have any regrets, just that my intro about him to my parents before wasn't too good and i couldn't get that back anymore.

It just gets too complicated month after month. But i know that everything happens for a reason, and whatever it is, i still don't know. But im sure that God will see me through.. i know He will, like He always does...

alone-time

hmmm...

im actually happy to be able to have my "alone-time" and blog.. (using free wifi) hahah..

what to say? i dont know...

i guess im in that mood where you know you have a lot going on in your mind but you can't get it out because they all rush out all at the same time..

i want to talk about how i feel (relationship wise).. about my worries.. about my career and just random stuff.. but right now, it just doesnt want to come out..

its just odd that when i go to bed at night, that's the time they wake me up and make me want to blog... but i can't because i have company..

i think, ill just enjoy my time alone.. and blog some other time... when my mind is set and the coast is clear.

right now i guess im just loving the weather --- no sun just, cold breeze .. hmmm perfect!

a text messege

Its so hard to pretend to be
friends with someone special

When every time you look at that person,
It just hurts even more,
knowing that all you see is

Ultimately everything that you want
but you can't have...

** very true