seventeenth

And so i've been thinking... if this relationship is really for me, why is it that all my blogs about it are all about uncertainties and anger..

It's weird to have to read how sad and angry ive become and still face the fact that im still "in" it..

It's not like i don't love him, i do (cause if i don't i wouldn't stay and i would have left ages ago).. but i think there's something so wrong about it.. I mean, im happy when we're together (we laugh, we joke, we bully each other) but when it comes to looking at the future with him, i'd agree (when im face to face with him) but once he leaves and im left with the thought, i feel like im ready to jump out of the window and escape..

He's nice, he takes care of me, he's sweet, but he keeps me boxed.. He's not very understanding and he has evil thoughts and doubts..

My dad was right, i should enjoy being single and enjoy living my own life while im young.. and from the looks of it, im not because i couldn't go out with my friends anymore, i couldn't even spend one whole day with my family anymore... he's selfish...

It just makes me feel guilty to leave him (now that's just "sometimes") because he said i inspire him and help him be a better person.. im his angel and his lucky charm... but who is he to me?

I think he's one of the reasons why my career suddenly stopped and i guess i blame him for it subconsciously..

It's very one way..

i don't know.. is this the right relationship for me? or is this just a phase im going through?