nothingness

the truth is...

i really dont know what to feel.. sometimes i feel like everything's meant to end up that way, like everything just fell into place.. and sometimes i feel like it was sooo unfair.. im happy, yeah i am, soo happy that all i can do is just smile at all the anwers i get, no matter how painful it is...

For the first time in my life after breaking up with him i felt soo comfortable, we went out, we talked and we spent time with each other, like everything was just like before, the only difference was that its not us anymore. I went home so happy that i couldn't even feel my cheeks, ive been smiling when we said goodbye..

I promised myself i wont ask him about us anymore, i know he would just turn me down again, but stupid me, i did... and its all the same..

now i dont feel anything.. im so lost, really really lost.. i keep telling myself that its just like in the movies, eat alot of icecream and it would be alright.. but it isnt.. maybe if i really did that i would have eaten all the icecreams in this world..

DOnt get me wrong im not sad.... i just dont know what to feel anymore.. i like him, and still love him.. but what can i do, i cant change his mind...

im scared it wouldn't really be us anymore.. forever.....