confused? not really

I got the job... but now, im a bum again...

I was able to turn things around and convince my employer to hire me as a home-based artist. Just so i could work (get the guy im with's permission).. and so they agreed but it didn't last long..

Unfortunately it didn't work out.. i guess the emails i send gets delayed and all that...

Its sad, just when i was enjoying everything disappears again.. now im in search of a new employer.. I guess working at home really messes things up for me (ive hit strike two with that home-based idea).. I guess i have to make sure that my internet thing works to its highest ability and be stable enough...

Im still a mess.. after all these months, i haven't seen any growth in me.. Its like the worst year of my life (by the way, we've reached a year already last april 20th).. This is actually a year where ive totally been zeroed to personal/career/relationship growth.. and that's NOT good at all..

I've been confused, and ive been trying to figure out why ive come to this point.. but after i heard a messege at church a few months ago about fishes out of the water.. i guess the only answer as to why the blessing aren't coming through my life is because i have a bad fish in my life.. and the only solution is to through it out...

Im still waiting for the right time to do that.. like what they say, its all in the "timing".. i just have to wait and to keep praying for guidance to do that..

I promised myself i won't let this ruin me, i should go on and strive to be a better person on my own and not let him eat me up while we're together... learn and keep looking for the right job.. and wait for the right timing

i know it'll come...

:)