tenth

Its one of my scattered-thoughts blog again.

Im just soooo sleepy but i still can't sleep because i have alot to do and its already making my head throb.

For some reason cobs is back and buddy's gone. Its weird but now i guess its true that when something/someone goes, someone/something new comes along. Im excited because my friendship with cobs is completely different, its more mature now, its nothing serious (relationship wise) but its more fun. But im missing buddy terribly. I dont know if i should as God to bring him back, but i think its much sweeter if he just pops up again just like how he came back a year ago

Im counting the days before my external, and im more than happy to be endorsed for that final defense!! i cant wait to finally sleep and not care about anything til after new year!

Thinking about that defense, im not really that scared anymore, for me its more of like, i dont care anymore, i just want to get over it.. But of course i want to pass with or without flying colors, im just too tired of it already hahah

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just an update i guess

Never thought i haven't been blogging for almost 2 months.. i wonder why (im not even busy) haha..

Just an update though.. ive passed my internal defense! whoopee and now im about to go through the last and final leg of my entire college life..

Then there was an almost "coup" in our country, the sort-of martial law policies for a day, I think Beyonce was here and Akon as well, and another bombing.. imagine that, in just two months alot has happened..

Im counting the days before Christmas (my fave time of the year).. i can smell that Christmas air again..

that's it for now, i better finish my remaining revisions so i can have that pen tab for a grad gift..

ohh.. and to whoever gets to read this, please pray for me and my external defense that's on the 13th of December.. thanks in advance.. *big bear hug*

I would have been there

I am still amazed and thankful (really really thankful)..

Maybe alot of you have already heard about the mall bombing (Glorietta) yesterday. Well i should have been one of those victims but im thankful because God has guided me throughout the whole day.

Early morning i was asked by my sister to buy something for her at the mall and she said that i should go during lunchtime.. I was actually planning to go after lunch but for some reason i couldnt go back to sleep and my mind kept telling me that i should just go there as soon as the mall opens so i could go straight back home afterwards. And so i did.

I was there early, bought whatever i needed to buy and after that since i wanted to at least enjoy my stay at the mall for awhile i thought of passing by this book sale near one of the doorways of the mall but then i decided not to go there instead i went to the other book sale at the other end of the mall. After an hour of browsing through books (i got to buy one by the way heheh). I decided to go home. At that time i felt it was better if i just take the bus.

I left every valuable thing i have at home cuz i was going to take public transportation because my dad refused to go with me there. So no mobile and no time.

I was back home around 12 (lunchtime) safe and sound but tired because i walked (another story, anyway).. That afternoon when my sister got in from work she told me that the mall exploded (well a part of the mall) and alot of people were injured and there were dead people.

We watched the news and i was in tears when i saw that the places that i would have gone to were the exact place that got bombed. (the book sale and the exit way through the other transportation option instead of the bus). And it exploded an hour after i was safe at home (1 pm)

The damage was really big, and some of the people who parked their cars cant even get their cars, so there is a reason why my dad didnt feel like going with me that day. There was a reason why i felt that i should just take the bus, why i couldnt go back to sleep and decided to go earlier, and why i should just go to that other book sale.

I would have been there, but im here sharing to whoever gets to read this that God really protects and guides us every single day. And i have nobody else to thank that for but Him.

There is always a reason for everything..

Im still overwhelmed, happy, thankful, sad (for the people who got hurt) and angry (to those who did that).


*sigh*

of dreams and weird feelings

Have you ever had dreams that feel like its happening for real while you're sleeping? Its weird right? and its even weirder that i only get those "happening-dreams" when i dream about this certain person (well there are two of them now and lets just hide them with the names cobs and buddy).

Its not that type of dream where everything is magical and fairy-tale like, its just like a normal dream, normal life situations, normal arguments and conversations like in real-life.

Ive had my very first "happening-dream" when i was in highschool (junior year if im not mistaken). It was a dream about "cobs" like im talking to him.. i guess it went pretty normal at first but then when he started to hold my hand i really felt it.. This guy has a rough hand (in real life) so when he touches you, you can really feel it. So i woke up and i could still feel his rough skin on mine. At that time i guess i had that about 3 times (but not all the time).

After seven years of not having them, it turns up again. and now, its about "buddy", different situation, different characters. In that dream i gave him a hug and he's wearing a coat so it has this texture and i felt it against my cheek, so i woke up and i can still feel it.. I had to run my hands over my pillow cases and my blanket cuz i was thinking that maybe i rubbed my cheek on its fabric, but the fabric that i felt was very different from the ones i had on my sheets.

Its weird, and it always makes me wonder about it once i get up.. i dont know if those have meanings or maybe i was just too tired or im subconsciously thinking about them, or my dream world is getting mixed up with my real world..

Im not scared at all, it just makes me wonder why.. why them.. why it feels so real... why it happens to me and not to anyone else i know of (like among all my friends and relatives, im the only one getting such dreams)..

Im not a psychic and im definitely not a junkie..

Zzzzzzzz...

Things you learn while procrastinating Part one

Hmmm.. I am a self-confessed procrastinator, and i know for a fact that it’s a really bad habit but believe it or not I learn a lot of life lessons from it (well aside from the fact that it increases stress to the highest level when deadlines are nearing).

Anyway on with the story, I am proud to be a Filipina, I really am, but sometimes it comes to that point where I can't be so proud of the country itself especially when a foreigner comes and asks me if its nice here, I would more often than not say "yea... some parts of it" and I feel awful every time.

So one rainy day, I woke up feeling very "procrastinate-y" and I switched my computer on and started tip-tapping my whole day through the internet pretending to do something important while my project is slumped right next to me.. Finally I got bored googling for nothing at all and I remembered I have this newly downloaded messenger which I have yet to figure out how to use (and that’s none other than Skype). I learned how to use it in about 15 mins. and soon after I found myself loving every bit of it. It has this feature that tells you where the person is from (country and time) and it got me so interested because I have always been fascinated with different cultures and languages.

After awhile here comes a message from an Indian guy. Not that I’m a racist or anything it’s just that I never really had a conversation with them for more than just Hi’s and hello’s (I guess its based on my not so good experiences). So seeing that he’s from India I was really tempted to just say Hi and click the X mark, but he went with a good start and since I was still feeling procrastinate-y I took the chance.

I was surprised that the conversation actually went past hi’s and hello’s and he’s far from freaking me out at all. To make the already long story short, I asked him if it’s nice there in India and he was just so proud to tell me that it’s a nice place. He asked me the same thing and I once again said that “uhmm yea some parts” reply to which he said “You should be proud of your country” BAM! Like I was hit real hard on the face.. And he went on and said that I should start talking to a lot of Indians to learn patriotism because they are all very proud of their country….

I felt so bad afterwards, like I wanted to sink into my seat, it was a good thing that I wasn’t talking to him face to face cuz I would have turned red of embarrassment. But to my defense I’d have to say that I do love my country, maybe it’s just the authorities and some irresponsible people I’m ashamed of. I know we’ve got a lot to offer and I know that Filipinos are great in every way.. If only certain things wouldn’t have happened..

Anyway, to the Indian guy: I’d have to say I look up to you and your love for your country. I don’t regret taking that chance, maybe someday ill bump into you again.

Makes me think, maybe procrastinating isn’t a bad habit after all…

twenty-fifth

I am officially back to school.. actually last week and well same old same old.. although im not too pressured about it.

It seems like im loving school even more now that i only have one subject. Anyway, i got an interview for a job, and i liked it. Ive been wanting to work and earn but alot of my friends tell me i really dont have to, that i should take things easy and enjoy my last term as a college student.. So now im confused, there would be times when i'd be too excited to get a job and an interview.. and then after the interview i would wish that they wouldn't even consider me..

ohh but i like this last company and i really hope they get me..

oh well i guess life is really filled with uncertainties

Say what??! haha

I was watching the news and i came across an announcement that was just very ridiculous..
Its about praying for rain in our country.

There were a group of Catholic bishops who asked people to pray so God would send rain for the rice fields in the provinces to have enough water, then after a week of praying here comes a super typhoon, causing flood, traffic, suspension of classes and work (horay!) and all other stuff that comes along with it.. So now they are asking the people to stop praying for rain!.. hahah funny, just sooo funny! what a weird thing to hear coming from a Bishop..

Torn between

Picture from google images

I have tried my best, and its the first time ive really given-up on something.. I just cant do it anymore..

I have just been toiling over my thesis project.. its not like its the only subject i have (i have 2 more) and all their defenses for some strange reason falls all at the same week all the time.. One can only do as much and to prove that i guess my body finally gave in to all those stress shit.. I got sick and wasn't able to do much on that thesis project and wasn't able to be on our exhibit for its whole duration.

Thank God that the defense for the thesis got moved so i was able to finish it up.. but come internal defense they just dont like the whole thing at all...

What the heck am i supposed to do?! ive done what i can but still...

I do want to graduate NOW i really do, but i guess it just wont happen yet..

Im torn now between still trying to fight and reach the deadline til this coming friday or just finish it up next term.

How am i supposed to finish a whole project worth a month of toiling over plus a 20 page activity booklet to come along with it in 2 days??! Im no robot??!.. I also have another defense coming at the same time im supposed to defend this effin' thesis..

I just dont get it.. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO... really? im totally broken.. :(

TING!

ok.. so ive been trying to figure out who "buddy" is in my life and finally Ive come to this conclusion..

• he's not yet (my wishful thinking) my significant other or anything close to that
• He's not just a close friend (but more than that)
• Not just someone who just came and left
• He's definitely part of my "loved-ones" list
  
• And he's here to stay

With all that i guess its safe to say he's "a positive motivating force within my life" right now..

Not bad at all.. :) i guess im satisfied with that conclusion as of the moment, i can have a break with all that figuring-out-who-he-is-in-my-life part..

*result of too much listening to old school love songs

cheerios!

says who??

A friend of mine just asked me "why i don't have a blog" or rather "why i don't blog?" I just gave him a smile..

I obviously have a blog, but for some reason, nobody close to me really knew about it. I once told my sister and plugged it when it was all new but when i started to really write my inner thoughts and feelings i decided to let them just forget about it and never really reminded them ever since.

I dont know if its just me, or its a normal human instinct to keep some of their deep thoughts to themselves and/or seek other people's (meaning people i dont really know) comments or whatever they have to say about it.

Of course i do value true friendship, but sometimes it comes to that point where you just feel that they'd just tell you what they think you want to hear to make you feel better, maybe that's because they already knew me too well (or so they think). And I guess its just a matter of trying to still keep something for yourself at the very least of course. With that being said i think nobody ever really knew me that well except God and myself.

I do open up to my friends but not to that point where they can already see through me like im very transparent..

I believe that some realizations in life are learned through random people and from people who really doesn't know you well cuz they tell you what they really think, not all the time, but its good to hear alot of different opinions and you just have to put to heart whatever hit you the most..

Ok so im a little bored...

Find out your Harry Potter personality at LiquidGeneration!

Alright then, so i'm an old bearded being now.. hahah maybe cuz of stress.. But i have to admit im a big fan of that whole Harry Potter series (books and film) just fascinating..

Summer bum

What's one of the saddest effects of stress?! being a total bum afterwards especially on a summer vacation..

Well at first thought it sounds pretty sensible for the mere fact that its a way to make up for that 3 months worth of sleepless and restless nights. But after weeks of being so you'd feel so effin' bad about yourself, like you've waste a whole lot of precious vacation time doing nothing at all.

What I've done so far:

• Sleep and a whole lot of it
• eat and eat
• Watch tv
• Plan trips with friends (just plan)
• just lay around and do nothing at all
• complain for not doing any damn thing!

So far so good ain't it!!! I hate it and i love it at the same time...

One more thing that i hate is the effin' temperature! its sooo hot! and i would rather wish for rain and storm than die in heat. Oh geez!

By the way, i passed that subject but i have promised to catch up before the term starts again which of course i haven't done and is four weeks ahead of me!! horay! next thing i know its dooms day again!

The spirit is with me :)

Yey and thank you Lord!.. is all there is to say.. i am smiling the up-to-the-ears smile right now.. I was allowed to have a week more to finish that 70% project requirement.. and like what one of my friends told me and i quote "you have the Holy Spirit with you.."

Well, there's no one else to thank this for but God.. :)

So to finish everything else.. i'd have to end this for now..

Yey!.. prayers really get answered and miracles do happen.. :)

I need a miracle!

Im super stressed out and there's no-one else to blame except myself.. Ive been procrastinatin yet again.. and this self-inflicted stress is the result of it..

i can't think anymore, i have a 70% of an interactive cd project due tomorrow at 2pm, three storyboards for a TVc, a meeting at around 10am and another meeting at 4:30pm!!

Current state:

• im barely 5% out of 70% for the interactive project
• zero percent for the storyboards
• and its already 2:24am
• what am i doing? writing this blog and recording it for future self-assessment (dang!)

I NEED A MIRACLE.. what have i gotten myself into again!! least i need is another "cuz you've been procrastinating again.." lecture from someone who knows me more than anyone else..

haberdey!

Another year has passed my life and looking back from all that has happened and well re-reading my blogs i'd have to really say there's a whole lot i have to thank God for..

For pickin' me up... from being slumped for the longest time.. i actually can't imagine that i could actually move on from it.. and for bringing someone back (not from the dead), though i have yet to discover what his real purpose in my life is (and i hope its not just to help me realize and move on) im super duper duper thankful he's back..

For new experiences... that made me strong and for jsut experiencing stuff.. this includes my actual hands-on experience in taking care of my grandfather and seeing him in his worst situation ever (mental, physical and everything else).. for dropping a major subject and feeling that its one of those i-think-i-made-a-right-decision feeling ha! (beat that!) for arranging a very successful get-together for the first time.. for being able to beat deadlines (miraculously and i only have God nonetheless to thank that for).. For spending this birthday without my sister for the first time which is a sad thing..

And a whole lot more goes down to this list.. i guess its always a good thing to look back because you realize then that "hey ive gone through all that and i survived!" and it makes you smile that up-to-the-ears smile.. :)

i love living life cuz its complicated and it's filled with surprises.. :)

Happy Birthday to me! :)

Abra-ca-da-bra!!

Do you believe in magic? .. i did but it didn't last *poof*