What an awful way to end the year

I guess its now safe to say that my 2008 really challenged me emotionally -- because it ended that wayas well.

It wasn't exactly how i pictured ending my year and celebrating the dawn of a brand new year. In fact, it was far from it.

During that last week, ive been thinking so hard about spending my New Year's eve with that special person.. It was such a hard decision for me because ive always celebrated it with my family, but i decided to spend it with him.. The process of getting permission from my dad and my sister was extremely hard for me because i had to make something up..

Eventually it worked out.. i was excited because it was my first time, its something new, and of course id be spending it with someone special to me..

The day of the 31st came and much to my dismay, it was the worst New year's eve ive ever had (and im not going to take that back, i really mean that -- it was the WORST).

Day before that, i discovered that my special someone still communicates with his evil ex which he promised not to talk to ever.. so when the day of the 31st came i wasn't too keen to spend it with him anymore.. But i still did, just to call it quits. I came to his mom's house, it was fun.. but that same afternoon around 6pm his brother's wife called to invite them to have dinner (of course i can't come because we're trying to be discreet -- and even if he wanted me to go, i never would have gone).. He went, leaving me all alone in his place.. inspite of assuring me days before that he won't leave me and go somewhere else.

Just to make time fly, i scrubbed the floor and cleaned the bathroom. Its true that when youre waiting for something time slows down and you literally feel the minutes pass by slowly. I felt so bad that while i was scrubbing the floor i'd cry and wished that i shouldn't have decided to spend it with him at all.. He came back around 10:30..

After sometime, a friend of mine called (the only wonderful thing that ever happened that day) to greet me and to let me know that he's already here in the philippines and to remind me to meet up with him sometime. For some reason, mr. special someone snapped, he got jealous..

Talk about not minding me and making me cry til the clock stuck 12mn.. I welcomed 2009 with tears flowing down my cheeks.. Beggging mr. special someone to talk to me and not get angry.. But of course i failed. I cried til 2, that's just when he started to talk to me again and believed that the phone call was really nothing to get jealous of.

I hated myself for deciding to spend it with him. it was awful.. it was just awful.

Its not something i'd want to look back to.. Its just the worst way of ending a year..

SO Now im wishing and praying for brighter days this 2009.. I know that God will make things fall into place.. i know He will make things happen...